Ep. 077 | The Big 6 (Part 1)
Updated: Apr 1
Essential Ingredients in the Recipe for a Life You'll be Outrageously Proud of When You Die
What does it take to live a life you’ll be outrageously proud of when you die?
That’s really the question at the heart of this podcast. Together, we’re cultivating the mindset and acquiring the means to answer this question. The Mortality Mindset breaks us free of the Status Quo’s gravitational pull and motivates us to give the things that matter most the attention they deserve now, before it’s too late. The insights and tools we’ve assembled along the way are the means by which we put the Mortality Mindset to work in the real world.
Here’s another way to look at it: The means we’re acquiring are like ingredients in a recipe, and the Mortality Mindset is the heat we apply to those ingredients in order to produce the desired result.
Through my own life experience, conversations with guests on this show, 1-1 coaching partnerships, and The Graveyard Group,
I’ve identified six essential ingredients in the recipe for a life we’ll be outrageously proud of when we die. I call them the Big 6.
Other ingredients are important and useful, for sure, but none appear to me to be as important as these six. Without them, the recipe simply doesn’t work.
In this episode, I’ll introduce you to the first three of the Big 6, Courage, Humility, and Truth-telling. Tune in to the next episode for the second three, Self-permission, Self-responsibility, and Self-knowledge.
Ingredient 1: Courage
The first essential ingredient in the recipe for a life you’ll be outrageously proud of is Courage.
Courage is the sovereign choice to be brave in response to fear.
It is first among the Big 6 because none of the other Big 6 ingredients are possible without it. In fact, it’s difficult to think of a single admirable personal quality or act that doesn’t have Courage as its foundation.
Courage is not something you have to go find. It’s something you choose to summon right here and now in order to take the very next step forward.
We demonstrate courage when we choose to have the hard conversation, get out of bed when it would be easier to hide away, and take on a new challenge.
Consistently summoning Courage makes once-feared things seem trivial.
The antidote to fear is not becoming less afraid. It’s getting more brave. So if you’re scared, practice being brave.
Over time, as your consistent choice to summon courage expands the frontiers upon which you’re capable of operating in the world, the Frontier becomes your playground.
Courage is also contagious; the more we practice it, the more it inspires others to do the same.
Tune in to Ep. 005, How to Become the Boss of Your Fear: Bravery-building to Live With More Guts and Gusto, for more on Courage, the first ingredient in the recipe for a life you’ll be outrageously proud of when you die.
How have you summoned Courage recently? In what area of your life is more Courage needed?
Ingredient 2: Humility
The second Big 6 ingredient is Humility. Humility is fueled by Courage.
Humility is the courageous willingness to acknowledge our ignorance, deficiencies, and mistakes and move forward anyway.
Humility is a courageous attitude of the heart that welcomes truth no matter how hard it might be to receive. It continually verifies our perception of ourselves and the world against the feedback that others offer us. It is the “sober judgment” of oneself commended in the book of Romans. It is essential for learning and growth.
We demonstrate humility when we ask the question that no one else is asking, despite our fear that others will think it’s dumb. We demonstrate humility when we confess our wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness. We demonstrate humility when we submit to the guidance and instruction of someone wiser than us. We demonstrate humility when we can acknowledge both our strengths and our weaknesses without any inflation or deflation of who we are.
How have you demonstrated Humility recently? In what area of your life is more Humility needed?
Ingredient 3: Truth-telling
The third Big 6 ingredient is Truth-telling. Truth-telling is fueled by Courage and Humility.
Truth-telling is accurately defining reality–first for ourselves and then for others. Often, the only thing harder than telling others the truth is telling it to ourselves. It requires us to acknowledge who and where we actually are vs. who and where we’d like to be or think we should be. Often, it highlights difficult actions that we need to take.
Life can feel easier in the short-term when we don’t tell the truth, but the degree to which we fail to tell the truth will be the degree to which our relationships with ourselves and others are based on lies.
The short-term costs we incur for telling the truth pale in comparison to the long-term costs we incur for living by deception.
Very few of us set out to intentionally lie to ourselves and others. But we encounter significant internal and external obstacles to Truth-telling every day, and we’re not even aware of many of them. For example, if we grew up in a family that only approves of certain professions, we may find it very difficult to acknowledge the truth that we’re not well-suited to any of them. There could be big relational costs associated with telling the truth. Remember that there are big costs associated with not telling the truth, too.
A classic example is the middle-aged man who realizes one day with dismay that his corner office and high-paying position were someone else’s dream, not his, but he wasn’t willing to acknowledge the truth when it tugged at him along the way.
When we tell the truth, our starting point corresponds with reality and serves as a reliable point from which to move forward. If we don’t tell the truth, though, our starting point doesn’t correspond with reality, and our navigation forward will lead to destinations for which we’re not intended.
My coach, the one-and-only Amy K., gave me a great tool for getting better at Truth-telling. Whenever you’re finding it difficult to accurately define reality in a specific situation, finish the sentence, “The truth is, …” as honestly as you can. For example, “The Truth is, I feel scared about this opportunity even though I feel like I’m supposed to be excited about it.”
How have you told the truth recently? In what area of your life is more Truth-telling needed?
It’s a Simple Recipe: Just Add More
I don’t enjoy cooking, so this whole recipe metaphor is a stretch for me. For me, the simpler the recipe, the better. Whether you enjoy cooking or not, though, I have good news:
The instructions in the recipe for living a life you’ll be outrageously proud of are simple: Just keep adding more. More cups of Courage. Heaps more Humility. Tons more Truth-telling.
You get the idea. With this recipe, more is always better.
So, resolve to summon more Courage, risk more Humility, and practice more Truth-telling. Each time you add just a little more, you’re investing in a life you’ll be outrageously proud of when you die.
I’ll introduce you to the other three Big 6 ingredients–Self-permission, Self-responsibility, and Self-knowledge–in the next episode.
In the meantime, remember: You ARE going to die. But you’re not dead yet. So get after it!
Become a “Master Chef” in The Graveyard Group
If the Big 6 are essential ingredients in the recipe for a life you’ll be outrageously proud of when you die, then The Graveyard Group is the kitchen in which you become a master chef.
You and your own personal, confidential board of advisors help each other perfect your recipes for amazing lives. The Mortality Mindset is the heat that energizes your work together. Step by step, week by week, you give the things that matter most the attention they deserve now, before it’s too late.
Break free from the status quo, become the person you were made to be, and live the life you were made to live.
Get Unstuck and Create the Life You’ve Always Wanted
I know what it’s like to be stuck. I also know what it takes to get moving again toward the life you’ve always wanted. If you’re stuck, schedule a free coaching session to see if a 1-1 coaching partnership is right for you.
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Welcome! I invite you to browse the archive of past interviews with fascinating people and short, topical solo episodes--all designed to equip you with the mindset and the means to become the person you were made to be and live the life you were made to live with guts, gusto, and abandon. We flip the script by inviting our ancient foe, Death, to become an unlikely ally in our heroic journey to leave it all out on the field of life. Turns out, Mortality might just be the best motivator available--blasting us out of our ambivalence and complacency and toward the fullness of our potential.